taratemima | (no subject)

Dysthmia is a less severe form of depression also characterized by the previously mentioned symptoms. It is long term and its symptoms are chronic.
This form of depression is not disabling but inhibiting and causes bouts of major depressive moods.

And according to some PhD evaluting me for a college student study, I just may have it.

I've suspected it, but really, I have as many good days as real bad days. Just the blues. So many people miscatagorize their moods as 'depression' that I am really afraid to talk about it. I either snap at family to leave me alone, cry on friends' shoulders (all the while afraid they hate me and wish I wasn't a drama queen), or block everyone else. I remember since age 10, and at different points of my life, if I was worthless, if people would be better off if I never existed, a wingless moth with no purpose beyond eating and shitting.

A name for my black moods. A understanding for my social fears and global self-loathing. Like being born with dark glasses at birth and never realizing others see things differently.

Do they? Is it necessarily better? I want to find out. Someway.