the frustrating cycle

Will I get SSDI? Should I get it, with all the slightly uncomfortable questions, the fact I can work. Trouble is, I can't work full time, and my Aspergers' does affect somewhat what work I get. It's a cycle.

I am tired of this rut->I am not sure I can get a job without a degree->Not to mention paying off student loans->Trouble is I hate my current job->How am I going to get a decent paying part-time job that won't make me feel stupid or angry->What will I do after college?

Frustrating. I don't know who I can turn to. Where can I find lab experience, or should I wait until I get a grade better than F in my stats (which is what I get for not getting up on time and using the reserve book for homework and not for understanding)? How can I get a better part-time job? Should I ditch this shit, work full-time, and save up to finish that degree?

(no subject)

Dysthmia is a less severe form of depression also characterized by the previously mentioned symptoms. It is long term and its symptoms are chronic.
This form of depression is not disabling but inhibiting and causes bouts of major depressive moods.

And according to some PhD evaluting me for a college student study, I just may have it.

I've suspected it, but really, I have as many good days as real bad days. Just the blues. So many people miscatagorize their moods as 'depression' that I am really afraid to talk about it. I either snap at family to leave me alone, cry on friends' shoulders (all the while afraid they hate me and wish I wasn't a drama queen), or block everyone else. I remember since age 10, and at different points of my life, if I was worthless, if people would be better off if I never existed, a wingless moth with no purpose beyond eating and shitting.

A name for my black moods. A understanding for my social fears and global self-loathing. Like being born with dark glasses at birth and never realizing others see things differently.

Do they? Is it necessarily better? I want to find out. Someway.