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Mar. 4th, 2004 06:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taratemimaI am Simon Peter
I am Simon Peter,
at least I find myself in him.
There are believers
who would pity the poor saviour
on the cross,
abandoned on all sides, died, then resurrected,
go home and feel safe
in their belief.
I know I could at any minute,
betray all I love,
because I am afraid.
I doubt more than Thomas,
because I ran from the darkness
and lashed out when I should have
stood still.
I saw the unreasoning hate
between Zealots, Sadduces, Pharisees, Samaritians.
The line between debate and war
crossed many times.
A unthinking scream of anger
will be used as justification for more
hate and more laws
and more cruficied men.
If not by the Romans,
by others.
Even when I saw the sick healed,
I cowered before this knowledge
like the time I thought he drowned.
I know because I betrayed.
I doubt myself.
Believers in his divinity,
consider,
when he appeared to us,
it was only to us.
When he appeared to me,
he asked if I loved him.
"Do you love me?"
Is that was the only question you have for me,
Teacher?
I know this,
it was the only thing
I didn't doubt.
Now you see this again,
you see it in your minds
every Good Friday
and every movie and passion play,
meant to place the blame of sacrifice
on all of the watchers,
the voyeurs.
There are believers
who doubt when they see him on the cross.
He knew he was going to die,
and you don't understand
why he didn't stop it,
if he had all the powers of heaven
you interept his words to say,
you might hurt someone
because you cannot stand
your doubt
and the blame.
Silence--
I saw this as someone who knows.
Sit with your doubt and don't cut off its ear.
This is the key to heaven
the believers say I have.
Because you, my friend,
would have been part of the mob
enraged by promises that weren't said
and oppression that never seemed to end.
You might have even been the Roman soliders
and insincere Pontius Pilate and angry Caiphas
if you had the power.
You would have been me too.
You would have betrayed,
but the key is moving away
from anger and that can be done
by making peace with doubt.
With doubt comes reflection,
with reflection comes repentance
and turning from the ways of the cruel.
With repentance comes forgiveness.
I am Simon Peter,
at least I find myself in him.
There are believers
who would pity the poor saviour
on the cross,
abandoned on all sides, died, then resurrected,
go home and feel safe
in their belief.
I know I could at any minute,
betray all I love,
because I am afraid.
I doubt more than Thomas,
because I ran from the darkness
and lashed out when I should have
stood still.
I saw the unreasoning hate
between Zealots, Sadduces, Pharisees, Samaritians.
The line between debate and war
crossed many times.
A unthinking scream of anger
will be used as justification for more
hate and more laws
and more cruficied men.
If not by the Romans,
by others.
Even when I saw the sick healed,
I cowered before this knowledge
like the time I thought he drowned.
I know because I betrayed.
I doubt myself.
Believers in his divinity,
consider,
when he appeared to us,
it was only to us.
When he appeared to me,
he asked if I loved him.
"Do you love me?"
Is that was the only question you have for me,
Teacher?
I know this,
it was the only thing
I didn't doubt.
Now you see this again,
you see it in your minds
every Good Friday
and every movie and passion play,
meant to place the blame of sacrifice
on all of the watchers,
the voyeurs.
There are believers
who doubt when they see him on the cross.
He knew he was going to die,
and you don't understand
why he didn't stop it,
if he had all the powers of heaven
you interept his words to say,
you might hurt someone
because you cannot stand
your doubt
and the blame.
Silence--
I saw this as someone who knows.
Sit with your doubt and don't cut off its ear.
This is the key to heaven
the believers say I have.
Because you, my friend,
would have been part of the mob
enraged by promises that weren't said
and oppression that never seemed to end.
You might have even been the Roman soliders
and insincere Pontius Pilate and angry Caiphas
if you had the power.
You would have been me too.
You would have betrayed,
but the key is moving away
from anger and that can be done
by making peace with doubt.
With doubt comes reflection,
with reflection comes repentance
and turning from the ways of the cruel.
With repentance comes forgiveness.
