taratemima | "I'd feel a lot worse about it if I wasn't under heavy sedation." (Reply)

Mom didn't notice that I had wittled down the pile of papers while she was on vacation. She didn't noticed I folded up winter coats and put clothing away as best as I could. She didn't notice the table being pushed out of the way. Nope, I was given a lecture about cleaning out all clutter. Maybe
I don't want to. Maybe I am not as freaked out about inspection, though I do make a point of cleaning up. Maybe I resent being the one that neatens up what my younger sister and brother dirty. Maybe in some paranoid way, I figure I will need something in those piles (though I really ought to
go through my files of stuff and put it thusly, make new folders too). I am the stupid, sloppy kid who needs a lecture from her first thing in the morning (while she was up all night panicking and trying to make up for her packrat
tendencies by throwing everything away). Yep, my pile of paper will get us evicted. Nothing is good enough for you. Nothing. This way I am so fucking fearful of failure. Why am I both sloppy and picky, seeing small details that need to be worked on now, while ignoring other, bigger things? Or slug
on full speed ahead without preparation or attention to detail? I realize that if I do convert, chametz cleaning will be hell for me. "But I don't wanna hunt for crumbs!"

Nevertheless, I was panicking since 4am about getting enough sleep and being able to clean before the bus. I am angry about this. I am feeling discouraged about moving out. I am trying to look at this rationally. Meanwhile, I got dragged into a rescheduled on-line roleplaying game instead of doing dishes and cleaning up the counters. I did managed to do some, but not clean up the floor and do all the pots and pans.

Work continued to be work. However, I had to keep logging in and logging out because somehow the software got run time errors. I ended up staying an extra half-hour to correct some claims. I managed to do that because, whoops, I forgot to log out the claim correctly and have to type each of them by hand!

Oddly enough, up to that point, I found it pleasant. I like a variety in claims to edit. Don't ask me why. I also got an idea for a Robohelp sample. Now to actually write bits for the vaporware end user manual.

I had a pleasant walk up to the bus stop. I had cheeseburgers, fries, and strawberries. I am also discovering the joys of wireless headphones. Now to get a tape player, since both my stereo and my tape recorder somehow stopped playing tapes. It is much cheaper than replacing my cassettes with CDs. Nice, very nice. Tomorrow, I will be free after 3pm. I am not sure what I will do. Busy, busy, busy.