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Jan. 6th, 2002 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taratemimaI walked three miles from the store to home, thinking since no one picked up when I called the house of my mom's boyfriend, no one was going to pick me up. Besides, a neighbor needed be somewhere at a certain time without my youngest sister. As it turns out, they were looking for me, and the neighbor did not need to get going, and I still have to return this carriage. Crap. The walking wasn't so bad, but the turns were a motherfucker.
I worry if I get a real job, I will not be able to afford rent, utilities and student loans, plus some small things: an occasional cheap CD, a Diet Dr. Pepper, a bus ticket to visit people, a membership at an actual synagogue. I worry I won't get a real job by March, when loans are due. Sure, I can plead forbearance, but I'd feel like I'm breaking a promise. It's like everything is on hold because I do not have a job. I can't get a cab if I am stuck somewhere, for instance. At the same time, I have a place to live and food to eat, I cannot complain about that. *laugh* I even have batteries for my CD player thanks to a Xmas gift.
I also think of whether or not to search for actual dates. I still think about Amadeo and Bari, I still wonder about people who got away. I know at least one person locally likes me, and then there is Sivan. But I feel their faces haunt me, and the fact I have no clue whether it was something I said or did that accounts for we are not dating. I am not sure where to start.
I worry if I get a real job, I will not be able to afford rent, utilities and student loans, plus some small things: an occasional cheap CD, a Diet Dr. Pepper, a bus ticket to visit people, a membership at an actual synagogue. I worry I won't get a real job by March, when loans are due. Sure, I can plead forbearance, but I'd feel like I'm breaking a promise. It's like everything is on hold because I do not have a job. I can't get a cab if I am stuck somewhere, for instance. At the same time, I have a place to live and food to eat, I cannot complain about that. *laugh* I even have batteries for my CD player thanks to a Xmas gift.
I also think of whether or not to search for actual dates. I still think about Amadeo and Bari, I still wonder about people who got away. I know at least one person locally likes me, and then there is Sivan. But I feel their faces haunt me, and the fact I have no clue whether it was something I said or did that accounts for we are not dating. I am not sure where to start.
