(no subject)

[taratemima]

A dreamy sort of contentment yesterday. I got the Hoffman Grant to study at the Linguistics Institute, now it is a matter of registration and finding other types of funding. Spent wandering around Cambridge and ended it nicely at Diesel. So many people I simply never met before. Don't know them from when I was on netgoth or spies, what being unsubscribed for more than three months does to a person. I did get moments of what I would call fugue--all the conversations flying around, turning into static, and I feel dislocated from it all, like I am sitting there, but my mind is trying to choose to find a thread of conversation to hang on or to surrender to isolation.

Today, I wanted to visit Arik when he was filling in for some local college radio station, but I could not get there fast enough. His life isn't going so well, with his recordings 'sounding like ass' and Theresa spraining her wrist.

Today, I wanted to make up a lot of things. Finish the chapter 8 homework. Secure a loan. Do the Brain Trust web search. Update the linguistics page. Go to work. Go to Hot Foods party.

And then there is the lingering question of grad school. I tell myself I could get a ton of technical certificates, volunteer, work at jobs related to linguistics/neural nets/neuroscience and take night courses, building up at least a history of committment to the field. This is, of course, to make up for my mediocre grades. I'd love to blame it on something, but in the end, I forget stuff, I get lazy, and I get panicked by other things in my life. If I am so damn smart according to psychologists and my mother, why do I feel so dumb when I get an F on my Symbolic Logic quiz?