(no subject)

Sense of sadness that came today and sat down. I am no longer tired from Six Flags, from the rides, from the waiting for rides. But the sadness came from whether to explain to my poly acquaintances about Arik. Would they condemn me as some who just cannot leave someone in a monogamous relationship? Then again, it is partially his fault. I bet no one has fallen for anyone who just cannot be anything but monogamous. On the other hand, how monogamous is he really if he wants me too? I have someone, but they are so far away, and I am not sure where work is moving, so I am not sure where I am moving, or how long I am working. I wonder why I cannot seem to write for shit these days. I haven't been to my writer's group in a while, partially because I want to avoid political debates with this guy. If he mentions some justification for raiding the Social Security fund, I won't have the quotation from the Bush/Cheney campaign website to scream at the top of my lungs, scaring the nice old ladies in his apartment complex.

I still need to get tickets for graduation, and it seems there are more people who want to come, but who I may not be able to invite. My immediate family makes 7 so far. I cannot invite Sivan from Wisconsin. I am ashamed at what little money I have. Such big plans, such dreams of my own apartment. I am an idiot. A greedy idiot. Why didn't I cancel Six Flags? Why did I want to be nice?