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labor pains
Sep. 4th, 2001 02:36 pmSo, I entered a contest for different writings based on a theme. The poem I submitted was a spontaneous affair, based on another poem. When I think about it, maybe I could have tightened up the meter, but I liked it.
It did not win.
I have mixed feelings. There were better writings than mine, and I think they deserve all the kudos, but it hurts to find out it was not good enough for the different people who voted. It was tossed off anyway, maybe if I put in more effort, I would have succeded. But what if I did that, and it still did not?
I am not quitting writing--I gotten too used to it. By sheer dint of being better at writing than talking, I probably wrote as much as someone with an MFA. I am right now, unknown, my yammerings appreciated by a select few. Any other interaction comes from posting rants on different mailing lists. For instance, I wish I could reprint this rant I wrote on homo/bisexuality, revelation, humility, and Reform/Reconstructionist/Renewal takes on the Kabballah, but it got lost. I am not sure if others think I am a genius, a nut, or nothing special. I'd rather not have them think I am nothing special.
I must sound so egotistical right now. No matter. Life is okay in general. Loan interview completed, tickets for graduation found, I do need to figure out how much to push for in my job for apartment and loan payments, whether to take a weekend job, should I volunteer as copy editor, apply for intern for the Weekly Dig or not (non-paying, but I can get some more experience in writing). I'll also need to establish a hierarchy of who to ask--prolly my oldest aunt then my oldest uncle. I even invited my mother's boyfriend. Mom will have a party for me at the end of the month.
Excuse me for being greedy, but I do wonder what the relatives will give--a card would nice, I am caught between wondering what it would be like to have more and being grateful for what I have. Apt description of my finances, really.
It did not win.
I have mixed feelings. There were better writings than mine, and I think they deserve all the kudos, but it hurts to find out it was not good enough for the different people who voted. It was tossed off anyway, maybe if I put in more effort, I would have succeded. But what if I did that, and it still did not?
I am not quitting writing--I gotten too used to it. By sheer dint of being better at writing than talking, I probably wrote as much as someone with an MFA. I am right now, unknown, my yammerings appreciated by a select few. Any other interaction comes from posting rants on different mailing lists. For instance, I wish I could reprint this rant I wrote on homo/bisexuality, revelation, humility, and Reform/Reconstructionist/Renewal takes on the Kabballah, but it got lost. I am not sure if others think I am a genius, a nut, or nothing special. I'd rather not have them think I am nothing special.
I must sound so egotistical right now. No matter. Life is okay in general. Loan interview completed, tickets for graduation found, I do need to figure out how much to push for in my job for apartment and loan payments, whether to take a weekend job, should I volunteer as copy editor, apply for intern for the Weekly Dig or not (non-paying, but I can get some more experience in writing). I'll also need to establish a hierarchy of who to ask--prolly my oldest aunt then my oldest uncle. I even invited my mother's boyfriend. Mom will have a party for me at the end of the month.
Excuse me for being greedy, but I do wonder what the relatives will give--a card would nice, I am caught between wondering what it would be like to have more and being grateful for what I have. Apt description of my finances, really.
