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I apologize, brigid
Jan. 24th, 2002 02:29 pmI hate, I hate, I hate not being able to wish someone a happy birthday in person. I hate it also when I forget to because I am so focused on finishing a short story and contacting all those temp agencies for a fucking job. One job to shut the Mass NIL, Northeastern library and credit card people up. My fault, yeah, but I want to fix it now. When I tell my mom this, she tells me, "You should have my bills." You have a job, you can pay your bills, even if it's a little. I can't. I can't even make an occasional ten dollars a money order or deposit to pay off people because then I'd have to spend some of it to take the bus to do that. How fucked is it?
I get into debt, work my butt off for a degree, despite thinking of quitting many times because it seemed like everyone had something good going on (mind you, some of those 'something good' turned out to be dot-bombs, but I didn't know that) and I was still working part-time jobs. I am now in no better a place than my brother, who doesn't go to school, doesn't work, bitches about losing his W2s and whose day is sleeping, eating, playing on-line pool and watching TV.
My instinct during these times is to hide, is to lie in bed and try to concentrate on something else. I am not even sure I want to help out at a certain big weekend event in Andover. Yeah, every kinky person will be there, but frankly, I feel too much like a loser to even think of flirting. Besides, if anything comes out of it, what good is it to having the other person pay for every date? It just isn't fair, especially if they are living from unemployment check to unemployment check. My relationships break for other reasons, but one issue was my partners earning more money than I did and my feelings of depression, spending, not enough money, more depression.
I wish I could do more than whine. I still need to work on that short story for blackglass.org. I ought to request study guides for the MS Word Advanced mid-term.
PS, do you think it would be helpful to do a mood icon search, so you can see posts where you felt one way or another?
I get into debt, work my butt off for a degree, despite thinking of quitting many times because it seemed like everyone had something good going on (mind you, some of those 'something good' turned out to be dot-bombs, but I didn't know that) and I was still working part-time jobs. I am now in no better a place than my brother, who doesn't go to school, doesn't work, bitches about losing his W2s and whose day is sleeping, eating, playing on-line pool and watching TV.
My instinct during these times is to hide, is to lie in bed and try to concentrate on something else. I am not even sure I want to help out at a certain big weekend event in Andover. Yeah, every kinky person will be there, but frankly, I feel too much like a loser to even think of flirting. Besides, if anything comes out of it, what good is it to having the other person pay for every date? It just isn't fair, especially if they are living from unemployment check to unemployment check. My relationships break for other reasons, but one issue was my partners earning more money than I did and my feelings of depression, spending, not enough money, more depression.
I wish I could do more than whine. I still need to work on that short story for blackglass.org. I ought to request study guides for the MS Word Advanced mid-term.
PS, do you think it would be helpful to do a mood icon search, so you can see posts where you felt one way or another?
