(no subject)

It feels good to come home after a brisk walk from getting vanilla seltzer. It feels good to find out that there is yellow curry base and coconut milk I can use to make a nice dinner. It feels good to find a magazine in my mailbox and smell cooling bread made for Saturday tea. The present moment is just as nice as planning a jaunt of informational interviews/touring that may or may not happen next year.

I have several hours to go for work. Wish me well.

on games, nations, and fate

Do I have a fate?

Well, I want to change it. Make it better. Do the things that are supposed to be good for me. Clothos shuffles the deck, Atropos announces the game played, and Lachesis posts the final scores. Do I go for winning big or earning steady?

Sometimes, I want to beat the odds. I want to get a book published, even if that doesn't happen to everyone who writes stuff down. I want to live on one pint of ice cream for one day, even if I know it is the worst meal for me.

America is about beating the odds, or trying. Most seem to try to be OK with the way things are always done, rather than go for a game with unknown rules. Or even non-existant.

If I may say so, Americans don't do that. That's why there are so many businesses started up. So many people moving somewhere else with little in their pockets and really big dreams.

Most fail, of course. Most find some other dream to nuture. Maybe that is why there are addicts too. People who knew the horror stories but thought they could beat the odds.

I'd like to know the paths I have before me. I'd like to know the steps and the tasks to get there. Do I move away, change friends, change my job, change my religion. Or stay where I am and keep trying?

As it is, I only know that someday, it will all end. What will be my last card?