(no subject)

[taratemima]

I dislike Elvis Presley. I can appreciate him on a music critic level, but his music brings unpleasant memories of my step-grandparents.

I hate when I try to break a bad habit, but people say it only gets worst. Like blowing my nose and coughing too loud. Even when I make a point to blow quietly, I forget myself. I don't want the discomfort of a runny nose and scratchy throat. Also, I am nervous about doing my rough voice demo with something in my throat. Even with what I do, it always comes back. I could take an anti-histimine, but that makes me drowsy and makes it hard to concentrate on work. Not to mention I do not like being thought of the Typhoid Mary of the cubicles.

I wish someone would have told me instead of going into some embarrassing meeting, embarrasing because I thought I improved since I got the note Monday, which was real embarrassing since I was told about this in April. Jesus, do I do anything right for these people? I can't even do well enough at a stupid data entry job to left alone. I wonder how disruptive they would think I am if I brought in a Super-Soaker? Best not to. I already have to remind myself to not self-stimulate (by dancing in chair or leaning
on it or walking fast). Now this? At least no one is complaining about the chair-tilting or humming, but apparently I look at the floor when I walk. Alright, I'll treat myself to the depressing sight of all those
people in their cubicles to keep from smacking into anyone.

Sometimes I forget how much of a strain it is to 'act normal,' which seems to be acting everything I am not. Everyday outside of my house or some friends is like trying to learn customs in another country. You're
sure that the natives think you're an idiot or a snob, it takes a lot of effort to remember to do some things and not others. The times you do well are immediately erased by the times you mess up. Above all, it is not the natives that are at fault, but you. Always the tourist. I'm not going to let it depress or anger me after today. I am not going to be fired for having a runny nose and lack of social skills. I am not going to out myself. I feel like I am broken somehow, and I have to hide it.

I am tried of trying hard to make people happy or at least not unhappy, and have it all erased by bad incidents. I feel like every good thing I do is ignored. I know it is not entirely true, but I feel frustrated,
nevertheless.

I think a lot about John, and what it was that made me so unhappy about our behavior when I was leaving for Boston. Expectations weren't met, through no faults of our own. I could have planned better.

Must sweep room and clear trash. Might be aggravating watery eyes and runny nose that have been plaguing me.




For fuschia and marysues

Mary Sues that I have thought of doing and haven’t written. Mostly.

1) Squeezit, or Liza Cordewainer, the geeky girl/aspiring musician that slowly teaches Willow to love again.

2) Sidonie Malfoy, the Squib third cousin twice-removed of Draco Malfoy who kidnaps him for a joke and shows him all of London. Of course, she is platinum blonde and a gothic/industrial DJ. Mind you, Draco still hates Muggle stuff, but he sees okay, some of them have some trace of good taste.

3) Sairose Applewhite, limo driver/witch/fiction writer who protects an AU real person slash pairing from assassins and even provides them with mood music and er, supplies, for their first time. Actually from beanside’s fanfic, The Dreaming Road, but I figure she should write whatever sequel she wants.

4) Meg Dunsmuir, part-fairy knight errant teenage girl living in suburbia during the early 80s with a musician boyfriend and is the fucking canon, thank you. Original comic book that I am still working on.

5) Tamara Nevin, Sabbat-affliated Daughter of Cacophony with powers amped by diabelerie, two clans against her, a budding singing career and bad time sense and easy distractiblity (hey, they are flaws, right?). Vampire: The Masquerade, and it started as a very strange dream.

6) Miriam Theophilius, Greek-born Immortal and convert to Judaism with severe survivor's guilt and an iffy past with Methos. Highlander, of course.

7) Clodagh Dean, American girl traveling in England who can talk to ghosts and cute Irish boys, all while laid up with bronchitis. Original.

8) Razielleh Gottlieb, Nice Orthodox Jewish Slayer (future Buffyverse) with a meddling father and grandfather, a cranky New Zealander expatriate Watcher, and a half-djinn Jordanian woman as her backup of sorts (and she is a Mary Sue of a different color).

9) Oliverio Palmera, precocious occultist and candidate for MLS degree, with pale blue eyes and dark hair. As a teenager, he was a throwaway who graduated with high honors from BC High. He battles scary things and wanders through the subcultural demimonde. Original.

10) Miriam Plastrow, probate lawyer for the undead. On the threshold of middle aged, doesn’t date much, has a thing for Pocky, anime, and Ofra Haza. Genuinely believes in social justice, even for those who died the first time. Ragnanok, and maybe even Anita Blake.

Edit: Four more Sues

11) Olfina Bindera, a Bene Gesserit poet a few centuries before the coming of Paul Muad'dib. She travels to Arrakis, marries a Freman and has three children, while working with the Missionaria Protectiva. Dune.

12) Valentina, who dates Ethan and Giles back when Giles was Ripper. There was a threeway, yes indeed. Buffy, of course.

13) Sadira-Martine Hannigan, actually a combination of me and someone I know. A African-American xenobiologist who discovers a new species of flowers that both cause and cure disease. She of course is a target of shady organizations and survives by her wits and connections. Original.

14) Joelene Todd, The one person on earth who is not affected by the Neuralizer, actually a human with implanted DNA from an endangered alien race. While extremely bright, she is extremely forgetful, with great long term memory but iffy working memory. The surviving aliens were hoping to have her breed a genius to destroy a generated species of planet destroyers. Unfortunately, the planet destroyers are making their way through Earth. Terrified at the prospect of her home being destroyed and annoyed at the idea of being thought as 'breeding material' and not a whole person, Joelene sets out to do it herself, with the help of the MIBs. She does this by teaching herself the sciences of the alien race. Men In Black.