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May. 5th, 2004 07:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taratemimaIt came back last night.
'It' was the dull, self-loathing, tired feeling I would get just about every night before I went on the anti-depressant. Like I had no business being here. Like my entire day was a failure and more days will be failures. It was different this time. Not as heavy, just more a pebble in my shoe (or
the ache from the exposed nerve whenever I drink something cold. Yeah, I could get a dentist appointment today and miss more hours of work, since they pitch a hissy fit if you take PTO without enough advance warning. I already have an appointment, anyway). Also, instead of sitting like
lump clicking on random things in an effort to feel better, I went to bed.
Then there is the mysterious disappearing comment screen, telling me to override the time limit. My manager could find it, but somehow, when I typed the command, I didn't get it. I don't get it. Then I forgot the bit about accidently putting Monday's hours under another associate and freak out
all over again. I feel like an idiot. I know it is temporary, that it isn't global, but today, I feel like all the mess-ups happening today are my fault. Plus, I realized that bedbugs were hiding in my closet. How did I find out?
Itchy, itchy clothing. After I tell Mom that nothing was laying around in my room. I will have to launder or at least spray everything low enough to get caught. Annoying. Just when I think I eliminated all the things that trip me
up, I fall flat on my face again in front of authority. Today, I have to pick up medication, do roleplaying, do laundry. Maybe everything I did right seemed so easy that I didn't think about it. I still need to look up powerstones, call Manet to see if they got paperwork, figure out which
bus to take and when to get to see Forbidden Zone. And don't I still owe the ambulance company? Where is their bill?
Found out one of my cow orkers watches Angel, and she's a Spike fan.
Anyway, after work, I ranted and raved to my sister. Found chocolate chip muffins oddly mood stablizing. Medication can wait until tomorrow (in theory). One crucial character is off fighting fires. Yes, really.
'It' was the dull, self-loathing, tired feeling I would get just about every night before I went on the anti-depressant. Like I had no business being here. Like my entire day was a failure and more days will be failures. It was different this time. Not as heavy, just more a pebble in my shoe (or
the ache from the exposed nerve whenever I drink something cold. Yeah, I could get a dentist appointment today and miss more hours of work, since they pitch a hissy fit if you take PTO without enough advance warning. I already have an appointment, anyway). Also, instead of sitting like
lump clicking on random things in an effort to feel better, I went to bed.
Then there is the mysterious disappearing comment screen, telling me to override the time limit. My manager could find it, but somehow, when I typed the command, I didn't get it. I don't get it. Then I forgot the bit about accidently putting Monday's hours under another associate and freak out
all over again. I feel like an idiot. I know it is temporary, that it isn't global, but today, I feel like all the mess-ups happening today are my fault. Plus, I realized that bedbugs were hiding in my closet. How did I find out?
Itchy, itchy clothing. After I tell Mom that nothing was laying around in my room. I will have to launder or at least spray everything low enough to get caught. Annoying. Just when I think I eliminated all the things that trip me
up, I fall flat on my face again in front of authority. Today, I have to pick up medication, do roleplaying, do laundry. Maybe everything I did right seemed so easy that I didn't think about it. I still need to look up powerstones, call Manet to see if they got paperwork, figure out which
bus to take and when to get to see Forbidden Zone. And don't I still owe the ambulance company? Where is their bill?
Found out one of my cow orkers watches Angel, and she's a Spike fan.
Anyway, after work, I ranted and raved to my sister. Found chocolate chip muffins oddly mood stablizing. Medication can wait until tomorrow (in theory). One crucial character is off fighting fires. Yes, really.
