(no subject)

[taratemima]

That stupid alumni calling thing never paid me. I guess being fired the first day, I don't get paid for two days training or the first day. Oh god, what am I going to do now? Not just financially. I get paid Fri. It's that I planned to send in my LSA Fellowship application with the membership dues, get a bus pass. It's not going to happen. I am beginning to think I will need to quit voice lessons. I just can't stand working enough hours to avoid it. How could I have been so stupid? It goes from being a week where I am feeling optimistic about my chances to one where things just crumple apart, where I am hanging for some sort of sign. I have to work 11 hours to get paid for 20, when I punted working 30. Oh god, I hate my job, but it is so easy to just be there, something to steady me. And it isn't even doing a good job of it. I am scared of working x hours and getting no sales. I have no phone manners. I am too polite for telemarketing. I should put more effort into job search, but why? It is so easy to settle. Jobs are just there to pay for things, I don't expect to enjoy them. I am scared of something, of losing something, and I don't know what. I haven't gotten much sleep, waiting for notes, contacts. I tell myself I will work tomorrow, do things, work enough hours, get homework done. But I am stalling and whining about it.