(no subject)

It didn't hit me until this morning I miss Arisia.

I know I missed Arisia, it was intentional. I had no cash on me, and I did not feel good sneaking in, especially since I know a good many people volunteering in some capacity.

It occured to me when I thought "Oh well, they probably didn't notice I wasn't around anyway."

But why does it have to be that? Most likely, the folks who did know me, locally and not, noticed I wasn't there, figured it was financial trouble or rotten weather, and moved on. The world didn't stop just because I was trying to keep my mind off the con by downloading lots of MP3s.

Then I realized for me, I wish I could have been there. It wasn't just some event that happens every once a year, but a nexus of people I know, people to met, interesting panels (when I can attend), songs, dances, parties, odd conversations. There was a lot of pain too--people who ran off giggling when I tried to say hello, trying to forget a relationship is breaking apart. And I missed Reflecting Skin last year because I had to go home.

Six straight years I've gone. It is tempting to just stop going. I don't know why, it is sometimes easy for me to be alone. At the same time, I crave intimacy and want it really badly. I am not sure what the right thing to do in this is.

(no subject)

Got my first feedback on my voice demo (as yet unfinished--still need to record covers of "Five Fingers," "In the Net,"
"I Loved Her in Tragic Beauty," "Peepshow," "Running Up That Hill," "Ocean Sized"). He thought that I ought to work on intonation, volume (much too soft, perhaps because of cold at the time) and work on songwriting, that is, writing music before singing. Mind you, as hard as singing than writing when I get around to it is, I am used to doing it the hard way. And I found out he had taken 'a little bit of every instrument' since he was a little kid.

Now after that, well, I have to remember all the people who said "I'd like to hear it" and dub them a copy. I figured I work on what needs to be improved, audition or start a band, set rehearsal time and space (that killed a band I tried to start) and work on finding places to play out. I realize I will not get rich, if you have seen my interests, you can tell most people don't often listen to or have even heard some of the bands. If I wanted that, I'd audition some dumb teenage boys to be the next New Kids on the Block.