(no subject)
Jan. 21st, 2002 11:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taratemimaIt didn't hit me until this morning I miss Arisia.
I know I missed Arisia, it was intentional. I had no cash on me, and I did not feel good sneaking in, especially since I know a good many people volunteering in some capacity.
It occured to me when I thought "Oh well, they probably didn't notice I wasn't around anyway."
But why does it have to be that? Most likely, the folks who did know me, locally and not, noticed I wasn't there, figured it was financial trouble or rotten weather, and moved on. The world didn't stop just because I was trying to keep my mind off the con by downloading lots of MP3s.
Then I realized for me, I wish I could have been there. It wasn't just some event that happens every once a year, but a nexus of people I know, people to met, interesting panels (when I can attend), songs, dances, parties, odd conversations. There was a lot of pain too--people who ran off giggling when I tried to say hello, trying to forget a relationship is breaking apart. And I missed Reflecting Skin last year because I had to go home.
Six straight years I've gone. It is tempting to just stop going. I don't know why, it is sometimes easy for me to be alone. At the same time, I crave intimacy and want it really badly. I am not sure what the right thing to do in this is.
I know I missed Arisia, it was intentional. I had no cash on me, and I did not feel good sneaking in, especially since I know a good many people volunteering in some capacity.
It occured to me when I thought "Oh well, they probably didn't notice I wasn't around anyway."
But why does it have to be that? Most likely, the folks who did know me, locally and not, noticed I wasn't there, figured it was financial trouble or rotten weather, and moved on. The world didn't stop just because I was trying to keep my mind off the con by downloading lots of MP3s.
Then I realized for me, I wish I could have been there. It wasn't just some event that happens every once a year, but a nexus of people I know, people to met, interesting panels (when I can attend), songs, dances, parties, odd conversations. There was a lot of pain too--people who ran off giggling when I tried to say hello, trying to forget a relationship is breaking apart. And I missed Reflecting Skin last year because I had to go home.
Six straight years I've gone. It is tempting to just stop going. I don't know why, it is sometimes easy for me to be alone. At the same time, I crave intimacy and want it really badly. I am not sure what the right thing to do in this is.
